When I returned home from Denver, I settled back into my daily life. As my routine of yoga classes, playing with grandkids when they're available, creating cards, reading, and other mundane things of living. Each evening as I colored while watching TV, I became more and more lonely. I miss conversation! I turn to comment on something I'm watching, and no one is there. I manage during the daytime, because I'm busy. I do find, I can no longer tolerate silence (I use to enjoy it). There's always an audible book, music or the TV going to keep me company. But, in the evening, even with the TV on - I feel more alone.
I remember the very last words that Dan spoke to me, they reverberate in my mind. " You need to move on. I want you to find someone to share the rest of your life with. I don't want you to be alone. This is what I want more than anything, to know that you'll be happy, that you won't be alone. Please do this for me!" Then he grinned his funny grin and added, "I'll give you 6 months, then I want you to be out there!" Through my tears, I sobbed, "I can't promise 6 months, but I will try". As I thought about those last words, one night a few weeks ago, I suddenly felt different. Knowing its the right thing and that its time. So even though I will always miss Dan, but I know how he is cheering me on! Now I have no idea, how to move on, or how to meet someone, but I feel that its okay to try.
The last time I dated, I was 17 years old. I was a very naive teenager! I am still a very trusting person, my kids say I'm too trusting. That's 50 years ago, and world is so entirely different! The first thing I did is talk to my kids and grandkids (even the 6 & 8 year old). I talked to my close friends. I talked to my sister-in-law, Dan's sister. She and I are close friends, as well as in-laws! Not only did I receive blessings from everyone, but happiness to see I was seeing a possible different future for myself.
Okay - now I'm not sure what's coming up next! I've got a couple of health issues that I'm working on first, but soon......
Keep your fingers crossed for me.